Meet Cumdog, The Socceroos’ New Striker With A Great Nickname

“Now I’m in Australia, everyone calls me Cumdingo. So Cumdog or Cumdingo, no problem.”

New Socceroos striker Jason Cummings has been making waves on social media overnight despite not actually being included in the squad for last night’s friendly against New Zealand. Why do you ask? Well my friend because bitches love the cumdog.

Cummings, 27, previously represented Scotland but joined our beloved Socceroos after an impressive inaugural season with the Central Coast Mariners caught the attention of coach Graham Arnold.

But talent isn’t why Cummings won the internet’s adoration overnight. Instead, social media went wild after learning his nickname – the “Cumdog” – was trending on Twitter when it was revealed he wasn’t named on the team.

Despite being born and raised in Scotland, Cumdog is technically eligible to represent Australia at international level, having dual citizenship through his Australian mother.

“Scotland never qualifies for World Cups. I always had in mind coming to Australia and playing for the national team,” he told SMH of his vaguely Australian roots. “I love Australia. It’s an honor to be here. Of course, since my mother was born here and my brother is here, we always had a nice soft spot for Australia. Even my mother’s house is full of Australian goods. It’s a big part of our family.”

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And honestly this is such a treat for us because there really is nothing more Aussie than a dude called Cumdog who also has a reputation for walking around in his jocks and being just an all-around chaos machine.

In a recent Q&A on the Socceroos Instagram page, Cummings gave an insight into the origins of his iconic moniker – noting that now that he’s in Australia it’s called ‘Cumdingo’ interchangeably.

“I got that nickname, it was my wrestling nickname,” Cummings said on Instagram. “I wrestled a guy called Grado, he was a wrestler in Scotland and he came in when I was with Hibs.

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“He came in and gave him the big one, so I threw on the spandex, put ‘Cumdog’ on his chest and slapped him.

“The rest was history. Since then everyone calls me Cumdog, but now that I’m in Australia everyone calls me Cumdingo. So the Cumdog or Cumdingo, no problem.”

The non-football world apparently only found out about his nickname last night when he was robbed of a spot in the squad, prompting the rest of the internet to ask ‘what the heck is cumdog’?

But just when you thought things couldn’t possibly get any better, it’s worth noting that Subway – the creators of the cursed ‘Subdog’ – were recently announced as Socceroos naming partners ahead of the upcoming FIFA World Cup in Qatar.

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I mean it when I say I don’t want to live in a world where Subway doesn’t benefit with a footlong cumdog subdog.

It remains unclear if Cumdog will actually make the final 26-man World Cup squad – considering he’ll be up against fellow forwards like Jamie Maclaren and Adam Taggart, but in the interest of a whole World Cup full of jokes, we can only hope he does makes the cut.

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