A Falling Out Between Friends Struggling With Infertility Has The Internet Torn

The struggle to conceive can wreak havoc on even the strongest of relationships. A woman who “did everything to have a baby” with her ex-husband is having a hard time understanding what another friend is saying after she gave her friend $12,000 for her next round of IVF treatment.

“I (F35) am infertile. My ex-husband and I tried everything we could to have a baby, but it just didn’t happen. She broke up with me, married someone younger to have a child with, and from what I gather they are expecting one. [second] child together. It hurts like hell to see someone else have what I can’t,” OP explains.

“Sometimes I get angry with myself and my family for blaming me for everything. I look to my friends for support, especially Alessia, who is in the same ‘infertility boat’ as I am, but she and her husband are currently trying IVF, hoping it will work.”

Having a strong support system, especially one that includes people who have been through similar situations, can be very helpful. Unfortunately, Alessia, who is dealing with fertility issues again, told another friend about it and sent the screenshot to the OP. What Alecia said felt very important to the OP.

“The next day I suddenly received a message from my friend ‘Carol’ with a screenshot of the conversation with Alessia. It turns out that she and Alessia were talking about the next cycle of IVF and Alessia said she hoped the cycle would be successful because she didn’t want a divorce and she didn’t want her husband to marry someone younger and have another child with them. on the way! He is single at 35 and has no family! (He’s 32).’”

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Considering the operator was divorced after unsuccessful fertility treatments (and has two children with another, younger woman from his ex-wife), it’s easy to see how this would be a slap in the face. “I’m shocked and… saddened to find out he’s referring to me here,” the OP wrote. But instead of confronting her friend, she decided to cash the check she had donated for IVF.

“Alessia called in the evening and asked why I canceled the check, I told her. She said she didn’t mean it, saying she thought it was an “inside joke” between “desperate infertile women”. The next day she came with her husband and asked me to write another check, but I refused. There was a conflict and she thought that I would not support her as much as her husband supported me in my struggle.’

The whole ordeal did not end well. “She left in tears, and we haven’t spoken since. Her husband keeps reminding me (repeatedly calling Carol a venomous snake) of the next cycle date and they can’t get it after I get the money they owe me!”

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Some friends think the OP is being “oversensitive” to the situation. After all, we all have different ways of dealing with grief and trauma, and for some people it’s a kind of joke. Alessia didn’t tell the OP directly, she told another friend, presumably in confidence.

Still, it seems like a good rule of thumb not to joke about something that could be interpreted as a personal attack on a friend who just gave you $12,000. Reddit was mostly on the OP’s side.

“Her husband is not very open. Carol is a strong friend and Alyssa is a poisonous snake. Imagine the sheer and total ah*ley-ness of talking about something behind your friends’ backs who GAVE YOU 12k to make your dreams come true. Now take it further and imagine him talking cruelly and taunting you about his broken dreams…dreams he’s literally giving you a chance. WHAT?!?!?!” reads one popular comment.

“Only from that witch’s mouth can there be singing and praise about Op and what a saint she is. This friendship would be dead to me and gone forever, she is trying to send my husband dates and pay back. NTA”, concluded the comment.

“$12,000 is a very valuable lesson in not being mean to your friends,” added another. Many others have pointed out that the idea of ​​an “inside joke” doesn’t really make sense unless it’s part of a conversation where one of the alleged insiders is telling the joke. “Your friend is angry about being caught saying something mean and not joking. You were kind and generous and she threw it all away,” one Redditor noted.

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Many posters also confirmed the OP by reiterating that her worth (or any woman’s worth) is not based on her ability to conceive and give birth.

“To those who say that children are tied to children (especially women): no. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. You decide what your contribution to this world is, your legacy, and from what I’ve heard, the OP has moral values ​​and the kindest heart. That increases its value in my book. Anyone who doesn’t see this is simply blind and oblivious,” said one of the comments, which has more than 40,000 votes.

Ultimately, people deal with infertility in different ways. However, like the woman who donated five figures for IVF treatment, it makes sense not to “joke” about your husband leaving you. While this is a genuine fear from the OP’s friend, it doesn’t seem like the smartest way to talk about it this way.

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